How Did I Get so Lucky?

Oh how I love these little boys...


And how they love each other!
(click to make them big...they are way cuter)

Little Did I Know

This week 5 years ago I met him. He was sweet, charming, and completely unexpected.

Our first date was on a Thursday... I oddly felt like I was with my long lost best friend.

On Sunday I met his family... and was awestruck by how much he loved them and how much they loved him.

And by Friday I knew only 2 things...
1. I was completely and utterly in love with this boy... and...
2. Marrying him would be the best decision I would ever make.

Here I am now 5 years later. I know a lot more now but would I have ever expected my journey to lead me here...?
Never.
Would I do it all over again...?
Absolutely!

I love you...
crazy and all.

Mistakes...

While Cade was in Utah spending time with Jareds family I toyed with the idea of taking him out of preschool because life was so hectic on Tuesday and Thursday mornings since his school is about 20 minutes away. I thought about just having both of my boys home and forgetting about school for a bit. However, the more that I thought about it and as soon as Cade came home I remembered how good preschool is for him. Socially he as excelled and thrived on those 4 hours a week that he can be with friends, learn how to be the leader, learn his letters, colors, dance, draw, and play. He has done so well and I almost felt guilty for even thinking about taking him out.
Last night Cade and I went on a special Valentines date. We went to pick out all his valentine cards and candy for his friends at school and special gifts for his teachers. We talked all about his valentines party on Thursday and he could hardly contain his excitement. His excitement and enthusiasm was contagious and so I woke up this morning with a renewed drive and energy. I went to the gym early and got showered and ready before the boys needed to be up. We spent the morning making breakfast, singing songs, and getting ready to go back to school. I had plans to drop of Cade, run to the store and get home in enough time to put Beckam down and do a little bit of scripture study before picking Cade up. As we stood in line to go into class I was feeling like I had finally gotten it together. We were not only there but we were there early and happy. As I reached the door and tried to sign him in I couldn't find his name on the list. I thought it was strange and so did the teachers, who were so excited to see that Cade had made it back to class. I was directed to another lady who quickly, and not so nicely, told me that I hadn't paid and so they gave his spot away. I was floored because I was sure that I had paid. She sent me to the front so I left Cade with his class sure that I would get it all straightened out. We searched records and talked to the principal and sure enough... I forgot to pay. I thought about it a million times and was positive that I had paid before we left on our Utah trip but there was no record. They told me that there was nothing that they could do because someone else was already occupying Cades spot. I stood there in tears as she told me that I could register for next year starting in July. I tried to smile, say thank you, and make the tearful walk to Cades class.
As I knocked on the classroom door I could feel the tears burning because I felt so bad that I had made such a dumb mistake that not only made me feel sad but I knew would effect Cade too. The teacher opened the door, told me to come in and asked if I was okay. I told her what had happened and had Cade say goodbye. The whole time Cade kept saying, "mom, I am not done yet. We haven't colored or sang songs its not time to go." My heart broke. As we walked into the hall Cade said, "I am sorry I don't have a picture for you today, mommy." I felt awful and cried the whole way to the car.
I hoped that I would check my records when we got home and find that I had actually paid however as I searched and searched my bank statements... nothing.
I know that Cade is only 3, it isn't that big of a deal if he is in school or not but I feel awful that he no longer has the opportunity because of a stupid mistake. I will never forget his sad little face looking up at me from his table telling me that it wasn't time to leave yet.
As I have cried, prayed, gotten frustrated, talked out, cried again, and allowed this whole situation to roll through my brain today there are times I feel sick because I want him to have that happiness so badly. However, I am looking forward to my time with him. I have come to appreciate him even more over the past few weeks. His witty personality, his sweetness, how sincere he is, how he can make me laugh. I am thankful that I do get to hold onto a little bit more of his childhood before he has to head off into the big world. I can only imagine how sad our Father in Heaven feels when he knows that we are missing out on so much potential happiness, growth, and joy. I am however, thankful that I have the opportunity to learn from and grow because of some of His sweet spirits even if I do make dumb mistakes.

A Little Thing we Call... 10 Days in Utah

We said "hello" to our favorite future missionary... "Elder Nielson." Who sang Called to Serve the whole 10 days including in the MTC parking lot at the top of his lungs.



We said "good-bye" to our favorite current missionary... Elder Williams. My adorable and amazing little brother who will be serving in the Santa Rosa, California mission.

We "showered" said "We are ready" to our soon to be little nephew who will be joining our family in May. (by the way I made the diaper cake and the quilt! Can you believe it! I cant! I did have a bit of help, okay a lot of help, on the quilt from this fantastic lady but I think I might have caught the quilting bug!)

I said "you know you love to have your picture taken" to all of my cousins, brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles... all of them.

And Beckam... He was just happy and content to play with his new favorite toy...
His toes!

Beckam: 7 months

• You love to sleep on your side
• I can always count on you to eat your vegetables but sometimes have to convince you to eat your fruit.
• You discovered that you can sit all by yourself on New Years Eve. However, you still sometimes get distracted and tip yourself over.
• You like to eat your toes but get stuck in half and cannot get back up.
• You always fuss when you see mommy so she will pick you up.
• You love graham crackers.
  

• You have 2 teeth... just barely... you can see them above.
• You drool like crazy and love to eat everything.
• Your smile comes clear from your toes and radiates through your eyes. You love to share your smile with everyone.
• You have adorable chunky legs. Mommy calls them, "your chunky monkeys"
• You think that Cade is the funniest person in the whole world. You will always laugh at him and love to watch his every move.
• You hate to have your face cleaned or nose wiped.
• When you get excited to kick your legs like crazy.
• You like to blow bubbles still.
  

We love you our little Becks... you are wonderful!

I Will Admit...

I am in a rut. Not a comfortable, productive, eat the same thing for lunch kind of a rut but a why is my house always a mess kind of a rut? A why does my laundry always seem to be dirty or in need of folding kind of a rut. A I need a minute for myself but I have a non-napping preschooler and a very grouchy teether on my hands kind of a rut. A I know I should get to the gym but cant quite get in the groove kind of a rut. A why does my bathroom always smell like little boy pee kind of a rut. A we need more space but I have to worry about feeding mouths first so forget about a house kind of a rut. A why the heck is the car broken again kind of a rut. A I know I should be planning a lesson but my brain is fried kind of a rut. A I know I need to get out but I seem to always have someone sleeping or sick kind of a rut. A I want to be a great photographer so much I can taste it, I dream it, I constantly think about it but never have time to pick up a camera because my arms are always full and I am basically terrified to see what the picture product will be because I don't have a clue what I am doing kind of a rut. Basically I am in a self pity, totally overwhelmed kind of a rut. A rut that I have been wallowing in and clawing my way out of all at the same time. I wake up each morning and think, "today will be different. I will clean. I will play with my boys. I will make dinner. I will get on top of my life." However, by the time 10:00am has rolled around and I have cleaned up spilled milk 3 times, tubbied 2 boys and subsequently cleaned up lots of spilled water, cleaned up toys just to find they have migrated out into the living room again, gotten ready for the gym just to have Beckam bellow in protest and beg for a nap I scrap the plan, throw my hands in the air, and spend the day attempting to "get it all done."
I remember, back in October when Beckams surgery was cancelled, a particular conversation I had with my mom. I was in tears, ready to have it over, or at least started. I remember telling her that I just felt numb. Numb was the only way to adequately describe my feelings. A feeling that I was a little bit frustrated with because I wanted to sort out and deal with my feelings. I remember her telling me to "embrace the numbness." She encouraged me to allow the Savior to shoulder my emotions at this time, that He was there to help me bear the load until I could stand stronger. I remember being comforted and yet terrified by her statement. I remember thinking, "just let me deal with it now because the thought of it hurting more in the future or knowing that it might hit me even harder is absolutely terrifying." Once the surgery finally came and went I felt so at peace, so calm, so okay. As Beckam recovered I could feel my life slowly creep back to normal. I could feel myself trying to "get my feet back underneath me" and surprisingly I felt just fine. So, now here I stand, a month later. I can now feel that my legs are wobbly. I don't feel strong enough but I know in the end I will be. I just need to stretch my wings, strengthen my legs, and keep my eyes on the Savior.
Life is good. Life is not easy. But life, every day life, in or out of a rut, is so worth it. Because I know that, "In the Strength of the Lord, I can do ALL things."

Christmas 2008

We had a nice, quiet, relaxing Christmas this year. On Christmas eve we went to Jared's brothers house for dinner and other festivities. We had a fantastic time and feel so blessed to have them so close.

Once dinner was demolished it was off to open presents. We snuggled, we laughed, we checked on Santa's "progress" to which Cade would say, "holy cow! He will be here any minute!" Cade wasn't totally getting the whole idea of Santa until Christmas eve so it was so fun to see that childhood Christmas spirit ignite in him as he bounced around the house excited for Old Saint Nick to come.

All the little boys opened transformers that night. They were all so excited to break them out and see what they could become. However, even though the package said: Ages- 5 and older. I think we all agreed that they should have been for 45 and older because none of us could figure out how to "transform" them. Jared and Jason spent a good amount of time with the instructions and eventually transformed them into their first and final state of being. Needless to say, Cades is still and will always be an airplane.

Once the festivities had wound down and little eyes were beginning to be rubbed we headed home. As soon as Cade got out of the car he ran as fast as he could to the house so that, "Santa wouldn't see him." It made me smile and also made me wish that Santa would come every night because as soon as he entered the door he ran to his room, jumped into bed and we didn't hear a peep from him until we had to wake him up at 8:30 the next morning.

We left our treats for Santa and snuggled in to watch Fred Clause. I didn't think I would be able to sleep because I was so excited for the next morning but before I knew it Jared was nudging me and telling me that he was heading to bed. Although I did wake a couple of times that night with surges of excitement I was able to dose off again until the sun peeked thorough our blinds welcoming Christmas morning.

I didn't take many pictures of Christmas morning because I opted to video tape it instead. I wanted to be able to enjoy the moment and not just document it. So with the video camera and Beckam being passed back and forth between Jared and I we were able to experience Christmas through Cades eyes. It was so enthralling to feel his excitement. Every gift he opened it was as if it was the first gift he had ever received. He made me laugh, he made me tear up, me made me proud to call him mine, but most of all he made me realize how precious and exciting the simple things in life are. Beckam was a good little baby and mostly just liked to eat the wrapping paper. However, Cade got really excited for him every time he opened a present.

The tradition I grew up with and loved was that at the end of Christmas we would open our stockings and follow a string that starts at the stocking, winds through the house and ends at our "big" present from mom and dad. Cades stocking this year was his guitar. It is a cool guitar that Jared and I played with for about an hour before putting it in its final hiding place- the dryer. Cade was stoked about it and truly thinks he is a rock star!

Once we had opened our gifts- Jared surprised me with some shoes and gift cards and Santa brought him Rock Band 2- we headed back to Jason and Melissas for some breakfast. While the big boys rocked out the little boys put one their "armor," loaded up their artillery and headed outside...

while the girls put their feet up and had a tea party. So fitting!

The boys got mostly necessities from Santa but were spoiled but grandmas and grandpas.

We had a great holiday filled with family, food, and fun and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. Thank you to everyone who called, sent Christmas wishes, and participated in this fun time of year. We love you all!

To check out what we did for New Years go here. We had a BLAST! And as Cade would say, "you're the Rockinest Dude!"