Mistakes...

While Cade was in Utah spending time with Jareds family I toyed with the idea of taking him out of preschool because life was so hectic on Tuesday and Thursday mornings since his school is about 20 minutes away. I thought about just having both of my boys home and forgetting about school for a bit. However, the more that I thought about it and as soon as Cade came home I remembered how good preschool is for him. Socially he as excelled and thrived on those 4 hours a week that he can be with friends, learn how to be the leader, learn his letters, colors, dance, draw, and play. He has done so well and I almost felt guilty for even thinking about taking him out.
Last night Cade and I went on a special Valentines date. We went to pick out all his valentine cards and candy for his friends at school and special gifts for his teachers. We talked all about his valentines party on Thursday and he could hardly contain his excitement. His excitement and enthusiasm was contagious and so I woke up this morning with a renewed drive and energy. I went to the gym early and got showered and ready before the boys needed to be up. We spent the morning making breakfast, singing songs, and getting ready to go back to school. I had plans to drop of Cade, run to the store and get home in enough time to put Beckam down and do a little bit of scripture study before picking Cade up. As we stood in line to go into class I was feeling like I had finally gotten it together. We were not only there but we were there early and happy. As I reached the door and tried to sign him in I couldn't find his name on the list. I thought it was strange and so did the teachers, who were so excited to see that Cade had made it back to class. I was directed to another lady who quickly, and not so nicely, told me that I hadn't paid and so they gave his spot away. I was floored because I was sure that I had paid. She sent me to the front so I left Cade with his class sure that I would get it all straightened out. We searched records and talked to the principal and sure enough... I forgot to pay. I thought about it a million times and was positive that I had paid before we left on our Utah trip but there was no record. They told me that there was nothing that they could do because someone else was already occupying Cades spot. I stood there in tears as she told me that I could register for next year starting in July. I tried to smile, say thank you, and make the tearful walk to Cades class.
As I knocked on the classroom door I could feel the tears burning because I felt so bad that I had made such a dumb mistake that not only made me feel sad but I knew would effect Cade too. The teacher opened the door, told me to come in and asked if I was okay. I told her what had happened and had Cade say goodbye. The whole time Cade kept saying, "mom, I am not done yet. We haven't colored or sang songs its not time to go." My heart broke. As we walked into the hall Cade said, "I am sorry I don't have a picture for you today, mommy." I felt awful and cried the whole way to the car.
I hoped that I would check my records when we got home and find that I had actually paid however as I searched and searched my bank statements... nothing.
I know that Cade is only 3, it isn't that big of a deal if he is in school or not but I feel awful that he no longer has the opportunity because of a stupid mistake. I will never forget his sad little face looking up at me from his table telling me that it wasn't time to leave yet.
As I have cried, prayed, gotten frustrated, talked out, cried again, and allowed this whole situation to roll through my brain today there are times I feel sick because I want him to have that happiness so badly. However, I am looking forward to my time with him. I have come to appreciate him even more over the past few weeks. His witty personality, his sweetness, how sincere he is, how he can make me laugh. I am thankful that I do get to hold onto a little bit more of his childhood before he has to head off into the big world. I can only imagine how sad our Father in Heaven feels when he knows that we are missing out on so much potential happiness, growth, and joy. I am however, thankful that I have the opportunity to learn from and grow because of some of His sweet spirits even if I do make dumb mistakes.