-Cade was playing a game on Jared's phone. He won. He took the phone to Jared and said, "look dad, I won!!" Jared says, "Wow Cade, that is great!" Cade responds, " I know.... I am just awesome."
-We were playing memory and it was Cades turn. I look at him and say, "now think really hard because I know that you know where some matches are." He looks and me and says, "I know mom, I am just thinking about them in my smart brain."
-We were on our way out the door, a little late, to preschool. I had already gotten Beckam in the car and turned around to see Cade still on the sidewalk. He was drawing something and so I called to him and told him to hurry. Once he made it to the car I asked him what he had been doing. He said, "I was drawing X's on the ground so if anyone wanted to know they would know where to find me." When I made it back home, sure enough, there were X's all the way from the car to our front door.
-Cade has PJ's that have a shark on the shirt. He pulled them out the other day and informed me that he would be wearing them to a sleepover with his cousins because, "they would totally freak out if they saw his shark."
-It was snack time and I asked Cade what he would like to eat. He thought for a moment and then informed me that I would need to guess what he wanted. He said, "I will give you a clue. It is round and sounds like muffin." I replied, "would you like a banana muffin." His eyes light up, he points at me and says, "that is correct!!"
-Cade told me a fib and I said to him, "Cade, we do not lie." He looked at me smugly and said, "But we can trick and I was just tricking."
Halloween brought something different to me this year. Among all the screams, guts, ghosts, and monsters I found something unexpected... love. I have always loved my boys... adored them really, however I had also, unknowingly, fallen into a "tasking" mode. I had all my balls up in the air. All my duties, chores, and errands were lined up and checked off by the end of the day. Even though I might have been productive and I still loved my babies at the end of the day, I never realized how much I had missed... until I got sick. This past week I picked up some type of stomach bug. I was so sick, so tired, so dizzy and so consequently I spent a lot of time laying down. Literally being on the boys level allowed to spend more "slow" time with them. Time that I heard their tender words, their funny jokes, their witty comments, their new found words. Time that I saw their smiles, their new found independence, their growing understanding. Time that I felt their slobbery kisses, their big bear hugs, and their snuggles.
I have read many blogs over the past few years and have come across a couple of moms who would gush about how much they love their kids. Something that, honestly, kind of bugged me a bit. I didnt know if it was because I thought they were painting too "rosey" of a picture or if it was because I felt a tad bit guilty, I am not sure. However, something clicked inside of me this halloween season. As I spent this unrushed, uninterrupted time with my boys I started to realize how much fun they were. I found myself having more funny stories rather than frustrations. More laughs than time outs. More yeses than nos. And it was as we were walking the dark halloween streets, begging for candy, it donned on me... I am totally in love with these boys.
Are there still days that they make me crazy... yes.
Are there days that I am ready to turn in my "mom badge"... absolutely.
But am I totally in love with them... without a doubt.
How thankful I am to have realized, even if it was a little late, that their childhood is not coming back so I must enjoy it now. Now is the time to sit down and play games. Now is the time to roll the ball back and forth. Now is the time to listen because I will miss it if I don't take the time. Now is the time to soak them in.
Halloween was great. Full of candy, candy, candy. I got to take the boys trick or treating. Cade would go as quick as he could from house to house and then stop to have a "candy break." Beckam insisted on walking. It took him FOREVER to get from house to house but he would get SO excited once he made it to the door. He would smile, speak some kind of gibberish, and then wave goodbye. He could make it for about 5 houses until he would just plop down out of sheer exhaustion.