Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Could I Really...?

So I have been thinking lately, really just the past day or so, about doing something crazy and completely insane. Like I said, it is a new idea so I haven't had enough time to let the reality of the thought sink in so I could VERY easily change my mind. But at the moment I am toying with the idea of having this baby o'natural. I know, it is nuts! I have watched many Baby Stories on TLC and every time they have the baby without an epidural I say, out loud to the TV, "you are so crazy, why are you doing that to yourself?" However, yesterday I had a different look at it. It hit me how much I would absolutely need Jared to make it through if I had no medication. That it would be an experience that WE had together rather than I had and he was there. As a side note, he will be WAY more involved with this birth than he was with Cade simply because he will be THERE in the same state, in the same hospital, in the same room. However, with that said I just feel as if it would be different without the epidural, a process that we will both have to prepare for together, that I would have to rely completely and wholly on him to help me keep my mind and body in check. Having a baby is an emotional, spiritual, and amazing experience no matter the medications and other factors involved but I am toying with the idea.

I think that when reality really steps in is when I realize that with Cade I reached the hospital at 9pm and felt like I wanted to die, only to have 10 more hours until he actually made his debut. I did not have to push too long but none the less would have been in a great deal of pain if I did not have a wondrous epidural. I am also worried about ruining the birthing experience for myself. I LOVED giving birth with Cade, it was amazing. and I can honestly say that I would have done it again the next day and so if this whole no epidural thing backfires, I just don't want to be afraid to have another baby because it was a horrendous experience. And finally I just don't know if I could do it. I like to think that I am tough but is this an unnecessary time to be tough? Is this just nuts? Am I capable of doing this? I don't know and am glad that I do not have to decide now, that I have 4 months to make my decision. Any thoughts from those of you out there? Any experiences had? Anything learned? Anything I can do to prepare? I will keep you posted with my craziness and fill you in on any new insane ideas.

Monday, February 18, 2008


I have been thinking a lot about life lately. A subject that I am not quite sure how to wrap my words around but none the less has been weighing heavily on my mind and in my heart. There are so many aspects to this thing we call Life, this journey that we are all on. I am continually amazed at the different paths we are all on, the different trials we experience, the varying emotions we feel but are all still striving for the same ultimate goal....Happiness.
How often we loose that simple moment. That quiet moment. That fleeting moment. How often we allow the happiness that is so willingly around us to be banished by the hustle and bustle of life, the frustration of a moment, or the craziness of a day. How often we forget. We forget that life is so precious, so fragile, so simple.
I have been touched by so many friends and loved ones, by their strength, by their example. I often get too caught up in the "stressful" things in life that I assume that I have been dealt a "difficult" hand at times. I forget the goodness, the happiness, the peace that I experience in my every day experiences and allow it to be tainted by the insignificant things in life. To be replaced by a hectic morning, a learning toddler, a misinterpreted comment, a too long to-do list. I too often forget.
I cannot pinpoint the reason for this post but I have known that I have needed to write it for quite a while. I have needed to say thank you to those who have shared heartache and happiness, those that have been honest and willing to be vulnerable, those that have been so patient and such examples of strength. I have needed to remind myself that life is happy. That moments get hard but those are fleeting and needed. That there is so much goodness in life, in people, in the gospel. That it is the small moments, the tucking in moments, the singing song moments, the playing blocks moments, the snuggling moments, the saying prayers moments that ooze with joy.
I encourage every one, mostly myself, to reevaluate. To stop. To listen. To be grateful. It is the small things in life that add up. It is the small moments that build the biggest memories and the strongest foundations of strength for the stormy times. Don't forget to give the hugs. Don't forget to say the thank yous and express the joyful feelings. Don't forget to drink in those quiet moments of peace to allow them to penetrate deep within, to accept them as gifts from our Heavenly Father. Don't forget to smile. Don't forget to enjoy.
Life gets stormy, rocky, and incredibly overwhelming at times but we will not drowned. Allow the heavy moments to be those that are fleeting, not those that are the rock. Be still and allow the happiness to consume you...it will.

Thank you again to all of those that have shared your moments of truth. Your defining experiences. Your life changing lessons. You have touched my heart more than you know and have inspired me to reach higher and enjoy the moments I have been blessed with. You are in my heart and in my prayers. Thank you again.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

To the Men in My Life...

Happy Valentines to the two men in my life that Watch over me...

Comfort, Love, and Protect me....

and make me Smile, Laugh, and Love even the Small moments of life.
I Love you!

...And Happy Valentines to all the family, friends, and important people in my life. Thank you for all your love, support, and smiles! You have truly made my life rich and rewarding...

Thursday, February 7, 2008

"Hello Baby!"

Well, the votes have been cast, tallied, and tested and the results are in. According to the poll 58% of you thought that this little "heirloom tomato" (that is the size of the baby at the moment) is a girl. However, I must say that the ultrasound tech said that the other 41% were correct. We are having a little baby boy and couldn't be more excited about it! Jared was bouncing off of the walls and handing out "Its a boy" blue jelly beans to everyone and headed to the party store as soon as we left to get balloons, candies, and blue baby bottles to hand out.
I have been asked by many people if I am excited or a little disappointed but I must say that I am so happy and quite relieved. As soon as we looked at the monitor and saw his little legs I knew that it was a little brother for Cade. I cannot wait for them to wrestle, play trucks, make touchdowns, attend cougar games, and just play like only brothers can. I know that my house is going to be overflowing with testosterone but I cannot wait! We are almost half way through until we can let the fun begin.

19 weeks

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I Love to See the Temple...I'm Going There Someday

Yesterday Cade and I were working on a little Valentines project when this conversation took place...

Cade: I want to go to the temple, mom, I lobe (love) it!
Me: You love the temple? I love it too.
Cade: Yes, I lobe (love) it lots and lots!
Me: I love it lots and lots too Cade-o
Cade: I get in Daddy's green car and go to Jesus house, okay mom?

Melt my heart. The topic of the temple came out of nowhere... Just a little proof that there is a lot more going on in little ones minds than we think. I love that little boy!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Let the Countdown Begin

Well one of the long awaited for days in quickly approaching. This little one will not be able to keep his/her identity hidden for much longer. Come Thursday I have the pleasure of filling up my already small bladder with 48 ounces of water in 30 minutes only to have a tech poke and prod to get a peek at our little ones "secret" parts. Outside of the uncomfortable circumstances I am SO SO SO excited to see what this little one is going to be. There was a moment that I considered not finding out but decided that I am too much of a thinker to let this moment pass me by and not find out what specifically I can start planning for. So, the countdown begins and I am opening a poll to find out what everyone is guessing this little one will be. You have until Thursday at 2:45 pm to let your opinion be known before this little guy or girl begins my nesting shopping frenzy! Enjoy!