Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Our Current Situation

What a journey we have been on these past few weeks. What once was a curse is now such a comfort and a blessing. The insurance is still in the process of deciding if surgery is necessary and is now requiring us to get another CT scan. We have felt so much comfort as we have walked along this path and have once again felt strongly the need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. We have always asked ourselves, "what is best for Beckam?" and have such a desire to give him every opportunity to succeed throughout his life. Up to this point we have felt the need for surgery and have taken the steps along this path and followed the promptings that we have had. I do believe that we have learned invaluable lessons and have grown spiritually, as individuals, as a family, in our marriage, and also provided opportunity for others the go to their knees in prayer in behalf of our little one and there find a deeper relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven.

We know that the insurance issues and Beckams fever at the time of the planned surgery was for a purpose and feel that we have walked to the edge of the light and are now asking, "what direction now?" We have decided to have a family fast on Sunday on behalf of Beckam so that we, as his mom and dad, will know which direction to take. We would like to invite any who would like to participate. We love you all and thank you so much for all of you love, thoughts, help, and prayers. Thank you for traveling this journey with us, you have truly helped lighten our burdens.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


I sit here looking at the perfect little face of my baby Beckam. Something I have planned on doing at this very moment for the past month however, I expected to and prepared myself to see bumps, bruises and swelling. Not something I necessarily looked forward to seeing but something that meant we had made progress, something that meant surgery was over, something that meant he was safe and out of the anesthesia, something that meant the waiting was over. However, at this moment, none of that has happened and we are still....waiting...
Beckam had his 4month shots on Monday, something the doctor wanted to have done before entering the operating room, and started to run a fever of about 1o1. He held his fever, but did better with Tylenol, and so we went to the pediatrician on Thursday to have him checked out since he was starting to add symptoms of a cold. The pediatrician gave us the go ahead thinking his fever would be gone by Saturday and not being too alarmed by the cold symptoms. So, off we went to the hospital to have all his blood work, EKG, and other pokes and prods done to prepare for surgery. Once this process was on its way another wave of reality hit and the emotion began to deepen within me. I held on desperately to the thought that this would be over in only a few short days.
Friday afternoon rolled around and after a few conversations with the insurance company about billing issues, the doctor was billing me more than he should, I thought we had it all figured out. Beckam still was not feeling 100% but the pediatrician's "go ahead" comforted me. I got a call from the neurosurgeons office at 5:oopm saying that the insurance company still had not approved the surgery and that it was possible that they would have it approved by Monday and might be able to retroactive its status but if they didn't then we would be responsible for the bill, most likely close to $80,000 to $90,000. I was extremely frustrated because they had a very long time to get this approved but started to process late (they said so themselves). Once the insurance information came to surface we started to pay closer attention to Beckams fever and the fact that it still was not gone and ask ourselves if this was really the right time. After a call to the pediatrician, a conversation with the neurosurgeon, many tears, and a pleading prayer we felt like we needed to wait.
So here we are....still waiting....but calm. I know that the Lord is watching closely over us. Is He trying to teach us...yes. Is He tying to protect us...maybe. Is He aware of us and our situation....absolutely. Is it easy...not at all! Is my heart breaking...more than ever before. Do I want this to be over...So so so much! But will I wait and listen... as long as it takes!
We will know more on Monday so we will keep you updated. Thank you so much for every ones love, patience, prayers, and thoughts. We love you all!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Lock your Daughters Up...

Chandler, my cute nephew, went out with me a few days ago and let me play around with my camera...

He is too stinking cute and such a sweetheart...

He is one of the best teenagers I have ever met and makes me so excited for Cade to grow up and be 13...

He is a great little football player...
And did I mention a total cutie!!

Beckam: 4 months

4 months
-25.5 inches tall
-16.2 pounds
-44cm head circumference (I was giggling when the nurse measured your head because she had no idea about the up coming surgery and was clearly a little taken back by the 90th percentile ranking)
-You love to smile and giggle.
-You can go from a cry to a giggle without stopping to take a breath.
-You drool like CRAZY and love to eat your hands and the shoulder of whoever is holding you. (The doctor said you could be beginning to teethe.)
-You are a very relaxed kid and can go for hours just observing and not making a peep.
-You have a serious face that you put on when you are taking everything in.
-You love to hold onto the toy that hangs on your car seat.
-You sleep like a champ- 13 hours at night and 2-3 naps during the day.
-When you talk it comes right from your toes and you use your whole body.
-You love to splash in the tub.
-You are always startled by noises that are slightly louder than normal volume but never cry about them.
-When you laugh and someone laughs back you get confused and stop laughing.
-You always think it is funny when some one will say "da..da..da..da"
-You bring such a peace and contentment to our home.

We love you Becks!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I Think that Maybe...

...just maybe I Might have gotten the Blue Eyed baby that I invisoned the day I met Jared. I am still keeping my fingers crossed and cheking every time he wakes up just to make sure they haven't secretly changed on me like Cades did. Oh how I love this little boy!

Side note- Beckams surgery is on October 25 at 7:30am so we are finally on our way to getting it over with.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Pumpkins and Pictures

We went to the pumpkin patch this weekend for our annual pumpkin trip. We had a great time and really enjoyed finding the perfect pumpkins for our porch.

We all ran around and picked and picked and picked and as usual our little Beckam slept until it was time to leave. So the only picture of him is in his car seat. I promise that he isn't ALWAYS in his car seat.

Cade loved the rows and rows of apple trees.

Enjoying the "fruits of his labors." He was really proud of himself and had a fun time showing Jared what he had found.

A few weeks ago we went for a walk as a family so we could spend a little extra time together and also so I could maybe trick Cade into actually looking at the camera. His new line is "mom, I don't want to smile. Please put the camera away."

And he also tries to give silly smiles now too.

But I managed to get a few.

My little Beckam also doesn't like to smile for the camera but atleast he will look at me, even if it is a totally confused look that I get.

There are so many funny things that Cade says these days that I really need to start writing them down. The latest happened last night. I got him some new shoes the other day and he was running around the house in them so he could show us how fast he is. On one of his rounds he slid into the door and then looked up and said, "whoa, I am so fast I scare myself!" Jared and I just looked at each other and busted a gut! What a crack up he is!