Christmas Wishes

(just pretend you got this in the mail)

Merry Christmas to you all.  We love you!

*Card created by my wonderful, talented, amazing sister. Love ya Alls!

Prove It!

Cades favorite movie during Christmas is Mickeys Christmas Carol. One of the segments is about Goofy trying to help his son Max believe in Santa. During one of their conversations Max says, "prove it!" Of course, out of all the things that Cade could pick up on in the 60 minute movie he decides that "prove it" is the coolest. So, needless to say, I have been trying for last few weeks to find a phrase to replace "prove it" but have yet to do so. So, I am going to take the words from Cades mouth and "prove it," prove that we too have snow...


Cade and I were outside playing on Wednesday afternoon when the tiny snow flakes started to fly. I was so excited because I haven't seen snow for a long time and couldn't wait to share that experience with Cade. Thinking that it would only last a few short minutes I laughed, I played, I was giddy... until it didn't stop. I enjoyed it as long as we could stay inside but we had a good amount of driving to do in the afternoon that ended up taking about 5 times longer because us las vegasites just don't know what to do with the snow.

After Cades nap he woke to about 2 inches of snow and couldn't wait to get outside. After much convincing that he had to wear a coat he finally got all bundled but this as far as he made it...the front porch. As soon as he had made a footprint right outside the door he came running and said, "wow mom, it is too chilly."

I tried to get him to venture out further but no amount of coaxing could get him out. However, once he saw Jared he no longer needed coaxing and jumped right in. They rolled, they threw, they ran through the snow as it continued to come down, they lived the life of a little boy.

This is as far as their snowman got because all of a sudden Cade realized that he could no longer feel his hands and had a total melt down.

So we spent a great deal of time soaking.

This morning we woke up to a winter wonderland and once again Cade couldn't wait to throw some snow balls. I kept reminding him that he got cold and his fingers hurt last time but he didn't care...he wanted out. I didn't have much hope for him staying out but was pleasantly surprised when he decided, after throwing a few snow balls, that he really wanted to play hide and go seek. He kept picking behind his "snow man" as his hiding place and would squish his body up to the snow and put his face right on top.

Once hide and seek had ended he insisted on kicking all the snow off of our neighbors steps so that "she wouldn't fall down and get big, huge owies." It took him about 30 minutes but he got it all done and was proud of himself.

We came in with cold hands, red noses, and goosebumps but even better we came in with priceless memories and were able to "prove" that it can snow in the desert too.

Beckam-- Month 6

-Love to squeal in delight and can do so VERY loudly.
-Blow spit bubbles all the time.
-Only get angry when it is past nap/bed time and you want to go to sleep. You are kind of a bed snob.
-Love to watch Cade and usually laugh at him.
-Can almost hold your own bottle but don't understand that you have to keep it in your mouth to get the milk and will pull it out repeatedly.
-Like to try and suck your thumb and drink your bottle at the same time.
-Like baby food but it takes you a few bites to warm up to a new taste.
-So ticklish on your arms and shoulders.
-Can sit by yourself for a seconds before tipping yourself to the right side...always the right side.
-Love to bounce and bounce and bounce.
-You love to chew on your fingers...they are always in your mouth.
-You have a death grip and the sharpest fingernails ever, even after they have been clipped.
-Have visited the doctor 9 times and stayed in the hospital for 7 days in your little life time.
-Had your stitches taken out and the incision looks amazing!
-You smile with your eyes.
-You are so observant and love to soak in everything that is going on around you.
-Weigh 19lbs and measure 26.5 inches.
-You take 3 two hour naps a day.
-You just melt into anyone that is holding you. You are such a snuggle bug!
-We love you our little Beckam and are so proud of you!

Cade's Comments-- October

-Cade Originals--
October 2008
- "Mommy...you are pretty. I love you so much.
-(He thinks that when we drive that we are racing all the cars around us. One day a car passed us on the freeway.) I hear from the back seat, "Mom! That car passed us... What's the Heck!"
- He had been talking about having a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch and then jumped to talking about eating graham crackers to which I said, "Cade, I thought you were going to have a turkey and cheese?" and he replied "Mom, we are not talking about turkey and cheese we are talking about graham crackers... focus, mom, focus."
- He was playing with his dinosaur vitamin before he ate it. The vitamin was on the table and Cade bent down to eye level and says, "dionosaur, I love you but I am going to eat you..."
- I was trying to get him to go down for a nap and he kept coming out of his room. Finally I looked at him, frustrated, and said, "Cade, go to BED." He looks at me, tilts his head to the side and says, "Mom, we are friends and friends don't want their friends to go to sleep."

Moment of Truth

It is amazing how time can fade all memories. It has only been a week since our little Beckam was handed to the nurse and walked back to the operating room but it feels like a lifetime ago. On Saturday, December 6 we packed up and headed for the hospital at 6 a.m. It was amazing how calm Jared and I were knowing that our little one would soon face surgery, the Lord truly calmed our nerves and softened our hearts.

Once we reached the hospital we headed up to check in at same day surgery and to begin our wait. I was so nervous that Beckam would cry and cry as we were waiting for him to go into the OR because he couldn't eat anything the night before or the morning of. However, once again our littlest angel surprised me and was as happy as could be. He smiled, he laughed, he played, he cooed and then when he was done he snuggled right up with Jared and his blanket and went to sleep. The nurses were so amazed with him and kept saying, "he is such a happy baby!" which made for one happy mommy.

Once he had been weighed, measured, tested, and checked out by the doctor the time came. This was by far the most emotional time for Jared as he had to hand his sleeping little baby over to the nurse and watch as she carried him away. I was fine up until this point almost to the point that the nurses were confused why the daddy was so emotional but the mom was calm and composed. However, once Beckam was no longer in sight the tears flowed easily. Jared and I headed to the waiting room only to see my visiting teacher waiting for her daughter to have her tonsils out. It was a nice distraction to chat with someone about something other than what was happening only a few rooms away. Surgery was supposed to start at 7:30 however they had a difficult time getting an ART line in because of all of his chub so we were a little surprised to see the nurse enter the waiting room, with clippings of Beckam hair in hand, at 9:30 to inform us that surgery had just started. We continued to wait and wait and wait until we saw the doctor emerge from the OR doors at 12:30 p.m.

Dr. Peoples was all smiles and very pleased with how the surgery had gone. He told us that it was better than he could have ever asked for. Jared was so happy that he no longer had to worry about the anaesthesia that he jumped up from his chair, hugged the doctor and said "thank you!" The doctor was so surprised but then looked at me and said, "well, if he is going to hug me I am going to hug you" and gave me a huge hug. Jared and I couldn't wait to see Beckam so we raced to the PICU.

I was very anxious to see my little one but also so very apprehensive of what I would see. Once we finally reached the pediatric floor Jared instantly saw Beckam and we went running. The nurses were still getting him all set up and so we couldn't give him anything to eat or snuggle him, all we could do was talk to him and try to comfort him through touch and words. I was extremely amazed that he looked so much better than I expected but also much more fragile than I had considered. But the thing that amazed us both was how much better his head looked already. It was amazing!

As day one came and went we quickly became acquainted with machines, cords, beeps and nurses. The staff was fantastic and I felt so comforted to know that they loved Beckam and wanted him to not hurt as much as I did. We also learned to love Pedialyte because it was the only thing he could keep down until a few days ago. It was oddly comforting to know that I could at least comfort his tummy.

We also had several visitors, fun gifts, and well wishes. My mom offered to stay with Beckam the first night since Jared and I had been at the hospital all day long. I remember leaving the hospital feeling so encouraged, so hopeful that recovery would be a breeze, and so thankful for such wonderful family, nurses, and the love of the Lord.

When I reached the hospital the next morning I was once again overwhelmed with emotion, my little one did NOT look so great any more. The swelling had dramatically increased, his coloring had paled, and I could literally feel his pain just standing next to him. His poor little eyes had swollen completely shut and would stay that way for 2 days. My heart broke for him and I continued to talk and talk to him because I didn't want him to be scared. His neck was completely swollen along with the rest of his body and his incision seemed to take up most of his head. However, he once again amazed me with his patience, his peace, and his strength to fight.

Day 3 went much like the day before however he started to improve after what seemed to be a turn for the worse. Although he was still so fragile, so sore, and so swollen he still held onto his sweet personality. They soon took off his bandage and covered his incision with a little hat made out of the underwear they give you after you have a baby so that he wouldn't rub or pull his stitches. It was too cute even though he looked a bit like a little girl with a big bow. On Monday night, the night Jared stayed at the hospital, I got a call at 3:00 a.m. saying, "guess who is looking at me with one eye!" I was ecstatic that Beckam could finally see and by the time I saw him a few hours later he had both eyes open and had improved more than I could have ever imagined was possible.

I was so nervous once the doctor said we could take him home on on Wednesday because he still could not keep food down and still seemed so fragile and sore. However, once a silent pleading prayer was offered and I was able to get him up and moving a little bit more I found so much comfort in the opportunity to leave the hospital.

We had a few difficult days when we got home because of his appetite, soreness, and Cade getting sick with the croup but all in all it has been an amazingly positive experience. It is amazing how the Lord teaches us to lean on Him, to put things in His hands, and to have faith. We have truly been surrounded by angels that have uplifted and comforted us all in our individual times of need.

(Beckam with Grandma)
And here we are 8 days later. Playing, bouncing, smiling, eating, and just as happy as can be. I love this little bug, he just makes my heart and our home so peaceful and happy.

He is going to have one wicked scar but the more that I look at it the cooler it gets. He is our little baseball, our champ and our peaceful fighter. We are very blessed to have 2 incredible boys in our home!

It is FINALLY time...

It is amazing to me how your prayers as a mom never change. At this time last year all I could do was pray for the little baby growing inside of me. Pray that he would be healthy. Pray that he would be strong. Pray that he would know how much I loved him. Pray that he would be safe. Pray that he would develop properly. And now here I sit, with that same little baby who is now in my arms and pray the same prayer. Pray that he will be healthy. Pray that he will be strong. Pray that he will know how so very much I love him. Pray that he will be safe. Pray that he will develop/recover properly...
It is amazing what these little ones can do to your heart. I love my sweet little Beckam to the very core of my being and although I know that he will be okay and feel the arms of the Savior wrapped tightly around me my heart still aches for what the near future holds for him. The time for surgery has finally gotten here and hopefully will pass quickly. He is scheduled for a 7:30am surgery on Saturday. Thank you to all of those, known and not known, who have so willingly opened your hearts to Beckam and included him in your thoughts and prayers. We have truly benefited from your strength and goodness. Hopefully next time you hear from me this will all be a story from the past, a lesson already learned, a journey that is nearing the end. Thank you again...

Beckam: 5 months...just a little late...

• You can smile and cry at the same time.
• You have started eating "big baby food" (as Cade would say) and Love sweet potatoes.
• Love to be thrown up in the air.
• You can go from a screeching scream to a dead sleep in a matter of moments.
• Love to talk and talk.
• Watch everything that Cade does, especially when he is eating.
• You can roll onto your tummy but will only do it when prodded by others.
• Love to put everything in your mouth.
• Fall asleep as soon as you get snuggled up the right way with your blue blanket.
• Love to hold onto moms hands and stand up.
• Always laugh when you hear someone say "dadadada"
• Bed time is 7:00pm and you wake up around 8:00am
• Starting to hate your car seat.
• Wearing 6-12 month clothes.
• Have the cutest chunky legs ever!
• Nicknames: Littlest love, Big B, Becks, Baby B
• Your favorite toy is your car seat bug.
• Love to splash in the tubby.
• You are starting to get more opinionated and don't hesitate to let us know what you want.
• You will give loves and kisses to anyone that will take them.
• Startle easier than anyone I have ever met.
• The calm and peaceful one of the family.

"I Hope They Call Me on A Mission,,,"

( Halloween 2007)
On Sunday we were getting ready for church and talking about my brother who just received his mission call to Santa Rosa, California. Cade has always loved the missionaries and quickly jumped into the conversation and says,
C: "I love missionaries, mom"
Me: "I know. I do too. Will you be a missionary one day?"
C: "But mom... I am a missionary now."
It made me smile that he has such a tender heart and such a desire to serve a mission. I thought that Cade had a concept of what a missionary was since we have had many dinners with them, see them at church every Sunday, and talk about them often. However, we then had this conversation and I changed my mind:
We were diving to the store and saw a group of missionaries
Me: "Look, Cade, the missionaries"
C: "I want to go on a mission mom."
Me: "I know, sweetie, one day you will get to go. Do you know what missionaries do?"
C: "Yep, they give people food and then cover it up for them."
Me: "Hmmm, really? When did you see the missionaries do that?"
C: "At church mom. They give us bread and then cover it up."
Me: ::laughing to myself:: "No, sweetheart, those are the young men. Missionaries go to different places, knock on peoples doors and teach them about Jesus. Did you know that there are people that don't know who Jesus is?"
C: "Ohhh. Well, I want to go on a mission but what will I say."
Me: "You will get to teach people about how much Jesus loves them. Should mommy and daddy teach you how to be a missionary so when you get big you will know how?"
C: "Yeah mom, that is a great idea!"
Me: "Sounds good. Where do you think that you will go on your mission?"
C: "To Harry and Ben's house (his cousins that live down the street)
Me: ::laughing:: "Sounds good to me."
C: "And mom, Ryan (my brother) is going to be my missionary friend (companion) too, and we will ride bikes, okay."
Straight from the mouths of babes.
I love this little boy!

Need I Say More...?

I think it is time to find someone else to take pictures of because Cade has had it. Anyone interested...?

On the other hand...

Aren't these the most Kissable lips and cheeks you have ever seen?

Halloween Recap

This Halloween this year was a success. We started off the season with plans of having a BYU player and a football for trick or treaters. However, as time went on and stupid me mentioned to Cade that his cousins were going to be knights we no longer had a little boy dying to be a BYU player. Despite the fact that I had his whole costume bought and put together I caved and decided that it would be no fun to fight him on the subject every time he had to put on his costume. Which, side note, it is unbelievable how many times a 3-year-old needs to put on their costume. My mom and I went to Target and I fought against the idea of buying a store produced costume. Although, I am not one to love Halloween I hate the idea of putting my kids in something cheesy. However, she convinced me that he would love it and that would make the costume "cute" in the end. From the second that I walked through the door with his "ninja knight" costume or "inja knight" as he called it he truly thought he was a Ninja Knight. He would have slept, ate, bathed, and played in the costume and would still be in it if I would have let him. So, in the end.... I thought it was cute.

Every morning for 2 weeks he put the costume on, went outside, and practiced his kicks, punches and best of all... his ninja eyes. How he came up with that I have NO idea but it cracked me up every time.

We had a trunk or treat with our ward on Monday. After making the rounds and getting tons of candy he sat in our trunk and insisted on handing out all of his own candy to the kids, despite the fact that we had a whole bowl left. It made me smile to watch him find so much happiness in giving away something that was his. I was also so amazed that every child said "thank you" to Cade. So needless to say, we came home with a bucket full of regular size candy bars because Cade had given away all of his trick or treat candy.

Poor little Beckam doesnt have any costume pictures by himself. I was planning on making him a football but then realized that he would be just out of the hospital so I decided to scratch that idea. Even though plans changed I totally spaced the idea that he would need a costume. So on Halloween I pulled Cades old costume out right before we left to trick or treat and didn't have the chance to take his pictures. I am hoping to get around to that as soon as I find the face paint, for his whiskers and nose, that I lost some where. Even though the poor thing was sweating to death he was sure one of the cutest lions I have ever seen.

Cade made out like a bandit. Half way through the neighborhood he told me that he was "all done with candy." I told him that he didn't have to go up to the doors any more however, Jared quickly jumped in and told him to get up to the door and get some candy. By the end of the night Cade had to carry his bucket with both hands so he didn't drop it. We went back to the house and the kids dug in and ate and ate and ate! I am a believer in getting it all over with as soon as possible so I don't have to be the candy police. So, needless to say, we are candy free in our house now and finally coming down from a sugar high.

Our Current Situation

What a journey we have been on these past few weeks. What once was a curse is now such a comfort and a blessing. The insurance is still in the process of deciding if surgery is necessary and is now requiring us to get another CT scan. We have felt so much comfort as we have walked along this path and have once again felt strongly the need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. We have always asked ourselves, "what is best for Beckam?" and have such a desire to give him every opportunity to succeed throughout his life. Up to this point we have felt the need for surgery and have taken the steps along this path and followed the promptings that we have had. I do believe that we have learned invaluable lessons and have grown spiritually, as individuals, as a family, in our marriage, and also provided opportunity for others the go to their knees in prayer in behalf of our little one and there find a deeper relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and our Father in Heaven.

We know that the insurance issues and Beckams fever at the time of the planned surgery was for a purpose and feel that we have walked to the edge of the light and are now asking, "what direction now?" We have decided to have a family fast on Sunday on behalf of Beckam so that we, as his mom and dad, will know which direction to take. We would like to invite any who would like to participate. We love you all and thank you so much for all of you love, thoughts, help, and prayers. Thank you for traveling this journey with us, you have truly helped lighten our burdens.

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

I sit here looking at the perfect little face of my baby Beckam. Something I have planned on doing at this very moment for the past month however, I expected to and prepared myself to see bumps, bruises and swelling. Not something I necessarily looked forward to seeing but something that meant we had made progress, something that meant surgery was over, something that meant he was safe and out of the anesthesia, something that meant the waiting was over. However, at this moment, none of that has happened and we are still....waiting...
Beckam had his 4month shots on Monday, something the doctor wanted to have done before entering the operating room, and started to run a fever of about 1o1. He held his fever, but did better with Tylenol, and so we went to the pediatrician on Thursday to have him checked out since he was starting to add symptoms of a cold. The pediatrician gave us the go ahead thinking his fever would be gone by Saturday and not being too alarmed by the cold symptoms. So, off we went to the hospital to have all his blood work, EKG, and other pokes and prods done to prepare for surgery. Once this process was on its way another wave of reality hit and the emotion began to deepen within me. I held on desperately to the thought that this would be over in only a few short days.
Friday afternoon rolled around and after a few conversations with the insurance company about billing issues, the doctor was billing me more than he should, I thought we had it all figured out. Beckam still was not feeling 100% but the pediatrician's "go ahead" comforted me. I got a call from the neurosurgeons office at 5:oopm saying that the insurance company still had not approved the surgery and that it was possible that they would have it approved by Monday and might be able to retroactive its status but if they didn't then we would be responsible for the bill, most likely close to $80,000 to $90,000. I was extremely frustrated because they had a very long time to get this approved but started to process late (they said so themselves). Once the insurance information came to surface we started to pay closer attention to Beckams fever and the fact that it still was not gone and ask ourselves if this was really the right time. After a call to the pediatrician, a conversation with the neurosurgeon, many tears, and a pleading prayer we felt like we needed to wait.
So here we are....still waiting....but calm. I know that the Lord is watching closely over us. Is He trying to teach us...yes. Is He tying to protect us...maybe. Is He aware of us and our situation....absolutely. Is it easy...not at all! Is my heart breaking...more than ever before. Do I want this to be over...So so so much! But will I wait and listen... as long as it takes!
We will know more on Monday so we will keep you updated. Thank you so much for every ones love, patience, prayers, and thoughts. We love you all!

Lock your Daughters Up...

Chandler, my cute nephew, went out with me a few days ago and let me play around with my camera...

He is too stinking cute and such a sweetheart...

He is one of the best teenagers I have ever met and makes me so excited for Cade to grow up and be 13...

He is a great little football player...

And did I mention a total cutie!!

Beckam: 4 months

4 months
-25.5 inches tall
-16.2 pounds
-44cm head circumference (I was giggling when the nurse measured your head because she had no idea about the up coming surgery and was clearly a little taken back by the 90th percentile ranking)
-You love to smile and giggle.
-You can go from a cry to a giggle without stopping to take a breath.
-You drool like CRAZY and love to eat your hands and the shoulder of whoever is holding you. (The doctor said you could be beginning to teethe.)
-You are a very relaxed kid and can go for hours just observing and not making a peep.
-You have a serious face that you put on when you are taking everything in.
-You love to hold onto the toy that hangs on your car seat.
-You sleep like a champ- 13 hours at night and 2-3 naps during the day.
-When you talk it comes right from your toes and you use your whole body.
-You love to splash in the tub.
-You are always startled by noises that are slightly louder than normal volume but never cry about them.
-When you laugh and someone laughs back you get confused and stop laughing.
-You always think it is funny when some one will say "da..da..da..da"
-You bring such a peace and contentment to our home.

We love you Becks!