I sit here looking at the perfect little face of my baby Beckam. Something I have planned on doing at this very moment for the past month however, I expected to and prepared myself to see bumps, bruises and swelling. Not something I necessarily looked forward to seeing but something that meant we had made progress, something that meant surgery was over, something that meant he was safe and out of the anesthesia, something that meant the waiting was over. However, at this moment, none of that has happened and we are still....waiting...
Beckam had his 4month shots on Monday, something the doctor wanted to have done before entering the operating room, and started to run a fever of about 1o1. He held his fever, but did better with Tylenol, and so we went to the pediatrician on Thursday to have him checked out since he was starting to add symptoms of a cold. The pediatrician gave us the go ahead thinking his fever would be gone by Saturday and not being too alarmed by the cold symptoms. So, off we went to the hospital to have all his blood work, EKG, and other pokes and prods done to prepare for surgery. Once this process was on its way another wave of reality hit and the emotion began to deepen within me. I held on desperately to the thought that this would be over in only a few short days.
Friday afternoon rolled around and after a few conversations with the insurance company about billing issues, the doctor was billing me more than he should, I thought we had it all figured out. Beckam still was not feeling 100% but the pediatrician's "go ahead" comforted me. I got a call from the neurosurgeons office at 5:oopm saying that the insurance company still had not approved the surgery and that it was possible that they would have it approved by Monday and might be able to retroactive its status but if they didn't then we would be responsible for the bill, most likely close to $80,000 to $90,000. I was extremely frustrated because they had a very long time to get this approved but started to process late (they said so themselves). Once the insurance information came to surface we started to pay closer attention to Beckams fever and the fact that it still was not gone and ask ourselves if this was really the right time. After a call to the pediatrician, a conversation with the neurosurgeon, many tears, and a pleading prayer we felt like we needed to wait.
So here we are....still waiting....but calm. I know that the Lord is watching closely over us. Is He trying to teach us...yes. Is He tying to protect us...maybe. Is He aware of us and our situation....absolutely. Is it easy...not at all! Is my heart breaking...more than ever before. Do I want this to be over...So so so much! But will I wait and listen... as long as it takes!
We will know more on Monday so we will keep you updated. Thank you so much for every ones love, patience, prayers, and thoughts. We love you all!
Beckam had his 4month shots on Monday, something the doctor wanted to have done before entering the operating room, and started to run a fever of about 1o1. He held his fever, but did better with Tylenol, and so we went to the pediatrician on Thursday to have him checked out since he was starting to add symptoms of a cold. The pediatrician gave us the go ahead thinking his fever would be gone by Saturday and not being too alarmed by the cold symptoms. So, off we went to the hospital to have all his blood work, EKG, and other pokes and prods done to prepare for surgery. Once this process was on its way another wave of reality hit and the emotion began to deepen within me. I held on desperately to the thought that this would be over in only a few short days.
Friday afternoon rolled around and after a few conversations with the insurance company about billing issues, the doctor was billing me more than he should, I thought we had it all figured out. Beckam still was not feeling 100% but the pediatrician's "go ahead" comforted me. I got a call from the neurosurgeons office at 5:oopm saying that the insurance company still had not approved the surgery and that it was possible that they would have it approved by Monday and might be able to retroactive its status but if they didn't then we would be responsible for the bill, most likely close to $80,000 to $90,000. I was extremely frustrated because they had a very long time to get this approved but started to process late (they said so themselves). Once the insurance information came to surface we started to pay closer attention to Beckams fever and the fact that it still was not gone and ask ourselves if this was really the right time. After a call to the pediatrician, a conversation with the neurosurgeon, many tears, and a pleading prayer we felt like we needed to wait.
So here we are....still waiting....but calm. I know that the Lord is watching closely over us. Is He trying to teach us...yes. Is He tying to protect us...maybe. Is He aware of us and our situation....absolutely. Is it easy...not at all! Is my heart breaking...more than ever before. Do I want this to be over...So so so much! But will I wait and listen... as long as it takes!
We will know more on Monday so we will keep you updated. Thank you so much for every ones love, patience, prayers, and thoughts. We love you all!
8 comments:
Lacey my heart and my sole wept as I read your blog. You are so tender and wise. I kown that by waiting and listening to the spirit our baby Beckham along with his parents will be blessed. I known that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of you and your little family and that he only wants what is best for you. Things will happen when they are supposed to. I love you and am proud of you and the way you conduct your life, you are doing just as you should.
I am sorry you have to wait longer. I know how much you want this over with and for him to be ok. Everything happens for a reason and it just wasn't the right time today! I know that things are going to work out for you and little Becks, we will keep your family in our prayers and hope this can happen soon so your mom can be here for support. Love you guys, let us know if we can do anything.
Oh Lacey, Josh and I are here reading your blog and almost started tearing up. You guys are so strong and Beckam is one lucky little guy to have you understanding parnets as his mommy and daddy. It will all work out because you are placing God as your guide and leaning on him. Please know that he is always in our prayers and that we love and pray for your little family.
Love the other half of the twin and his wife(that was Joshy's contribution to this blog)
Lacey--I hope the wait is over shortly, and I especially hope that little Beck's fever finally goes down so they can do the surgery!! Your doing such an amazing job just trusting in the lord. Hang in there pretty girl :)
I'm so sorry that your are going through a rough time right now. I'm thinking of your family and your baby Beckham.
Oh Lacey!! I can't imagine how anxious you must be feeling about everything...just wanting to get things moving. You just made me want to cry!! You are incredibly strong! Did you find out when he can have his surgery yet? Seriously I do nothing all day, so call me if you ever want to get out for a break!! I would love to meet you somewhere or just come over and let the kids play!! Maddy loves boys!!
You amaze me so much! I am so sorry to hear that you have to wait longer, but I know things happen for a reason and when the time is right, little Becks will have his surgery. We love you guys so much and we're so glad that we could visit with you last week! Know that you guys are always in our prayers!!
I've been thinking about you and yours a lot lately. I wish you the best and pray for extra comfort and strength on your behalf.
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