You can only Imagine...

The whole street blocked off.

Friends, neighbors, children, members of the community all mingling, hugging and exchanging stories.

Children laughing and giggling as they rode bikes and scooters up and down the street.

The air filled with the aroma of grilled hotdogs and the sweetness of freshly baked goods mingled with the music of the Eagles.

It was a vision straight out of a movie.

It was such a thrill to be involved in the Williams Warriors Fundraiser Benefit. So many people stepped up to the plate to not only bat but to hit a home run. As the preparations and set up began on Friday afternoon it was amazing to see what people came up with. Auctions of a signed Ohio State football, high school gear, spa packages, homemade items... the tables were endless.

The bake sale was amazing. All the items were not only amazing to eat but they were so beautiful to look at.

The kids couldn't get enough of all the fun activities... bounce house, face paint, fish pond, ice cream.

There were so many things happening and so much that had been done to lead up to this moment... this dream.

Just as the music began to blast I entered my dads office. I found him sitting at his desk looking out the window at all the commotion happening below.

I was beyond excited with what was happening and couldn't wait to see what he had to say.

My heart melted when I saw him look at me with one tear in his eye and say,

"you know, Lacey, sometimes things are just bigger than we are."

We had filled him and my mom in on what was happening but nobody could actually wrap their brain around what the end result really would be.

It was an emotional and touching moment for us all.

The night was full of support, love and most of all hugs. We were all so uplifted and touched by everyone who was there.

It was such an inspiration to me to see that 2 seemingly insignificant people can make such a difference in the world. All too often we get so busy with our own family, our own callings, our own to do lists that we forget to stop and see how we can help others.

My parents have always been such an example of serving and giving... even when there didn't seem to be "time." My dad has always been involved with the high school, whether he had a child there or not. My mom is continually loving and serving the whole community and loves her title of the "young grandma."

It was such a testament and inspiration to me that it is the small things that count. The few extra moments you spend with someone. The little words of encouragement. The never ending support that truly can change a whole community.

Thank you again to everyone who was involved in making this all happen. It truly involved people from across the whole nation. Our love and gratitude for you is endless.

I am now back home. Ready to go. Ready to give. Ready to serve.

Lets do it!

Hope

Hope seems to be more tangible. Much easier. More real.

I don't know if it is because the bad news doesn't seem to be coming as often.

Or if it is because I have totally thrown myself into the Williams Warriors fundraiser.

Or if it is because there is

lightness...

happiness...

joy...

in my moms voice again,

which is like a breath of fresh air.

I don't know what it is, maybe it is a combination of everything but for this very second in time my life seems to be "normal" again.

While sitting in church on Sunday I found myself recalling the events of the previous week.

How it felt like I was sucker punched when my dad said, "they have found cancer."

How I didn't think that it could hurt any worse... until it did.

How I sobbed into my husbands arms after finding out how far the cancer had spread.

How he sobbed into mine.

However, among all the feelings of hurt, sadness, pain, and difficulty there was one overriding feeling of love.

The thought kept coming to me, "you have learned. If you do not share it, why have you learned it?"

At that moment I knew

I couldn't take my dads illness away.

I couldn't take my moms heartache away.

I couldn't change the facts.

However, I COULD share. Share what God has taught me.

It is amazing to me how the Lord teaches and allows us to learn. I have sat in and taught lesson after lesson about our Savior, about His atonement, about His love. All of them done with every energy of my heart. However, it is amazing how once we think we "know" something the Lord kindly allows us to

dig deeper,

to study harder,

to understand better.

What a blessing it is that He not only suffered in Gethsemane for our sins so that we can return to Live with Him again but that He suffered for our pains, our weaknesses, our sadness so that He completely understands as well.

I remember when I was in labor with Cade.

It got to point that I found myself thinking that if the contractions could stop for just 10 seconds so that I could get 1 deep breath then I would be okay.

They didn't stop.

But we both made it through.

I found myself thinking the same thing as the tears flowed for my dad. That all I wanted to do was escape. For just one minute. Just to breath.

It was then that it occurred to me. Even though it hurt... a lot. I was not holding this burden alone. The Savior completely and wholly understood.

He had walked that path and was now walking it with me.

I could breath.

How thankful I am that He didn't just take the pain away, although I wished for it.

In these short yet eternal 7 days I have learned more about the Lord, His gospel, and myself than I could have ever imagined.

I am sure there are more tears to be cried. More aches to feel. More sleepless nights.

However, now I understand, even more than I did before, that we are not expected to hurt alone.

He is there.

Arms wide open.

All we must do is turn to Him.

It might still hurt.

But we will NEVER be alone.

Our unexpected journey begins

I am tired.

Not very often am I at a loss for words, however at them moment all I can say is I am tired.

My family has been living in a bit of a shock wave this past week.

My dad, who just turned 50, who has been healthy, active, and as good as could be was just diagnosed with colon cancer.

When he called to break the news I didn't know what to say. It didn't seem real. He seemed hopeful that it could most likely be taken care of with surgery. Not fun but doable.

My sister had a meltdown. I did not.

We made it through the next few days and the phrase, "my dad has cancer" sunk it and became part of life. I felt hopeful, optimistic, and didn't allow it to rock my world too much.... until yesterday.

The morning after his CT scan my parents called and asked me to conference call my sister. At that moment I wanted to say "no," hang up the phone, and live in the little hopeful box I had created for myself. However, that was not possible.

Once Alli made it on the phone my dad broke the news. The cancer had spread. Far. It had made it to his bladder, liver, and one lung.

Although he was strong, I was a puddle. The tears came. I had a melt down. My sister did not. I once again had no words... only tears.

How could this happen? He fits none of the profiles for this disease. He has taken amazing care of himself. He is young. He is MY dad. Things like this just don't happen.

After the phone call ended all I could do was stare. Stare and wonder, "what now?"

Cade saw my tears and told me it would be okay as he snuggled on my lap. Beckam held my hand all day. I was not alone and was so thankful for the numbness that eventually enveloped me.

I spent the day trying to understand how accepting the Lords will and having unwavering faith in miracles could really be connected and not just independent concepts. How can I be obedient to the Lord and His will but yet have faith that He can heal my dad? It wasn't meshing in my head.

I cried and prayed. Prayed and cried. Read and cried. Cried and read.

In the end I still cannot exactly wrap words around the Peace and understanding the Lord has blessed me with thus far. I know that I am at the beginning, in a small way, to understanding the atonement on an even more personal level.

Understanding how much the Lord loves us.

How well He knows us.

What His plan is for us.

How He will bless us.

We might not understand but one day we will.

All we can do is have faith in Him, hope that things will be okay, and go to work taking care of others, charity.

Throughout my life, whenever things have been heavy, overwhelming, or difficult my dad would give me a little pep talk and then tell me to wrap a blanket tight around myself and pretend that it was his big strong arms giving me a big hug. It always made me feel better.

At this moment, my blanket is wrapped around him.

The Saviors arms are wrapped around me.

We will make it. We will continue to press forward with faith. We are sealed as a family and will be together forever, with our arms tight around each other.

I love you daddy. I will always be your baby girl.

You can do it. You are the strongest guy I know.

xoxo

Lesson Learned...

Never tell a 4-year-old a secret until you are ready for the world to know.

I knew that.

Jared did not.

Cade was told the secret.

It stayed quiet for about 1 day.

So it is time to spill the beans...

On November 20, Cade will have to build one more person for our lego family.

We all are really excited and are already trying to guess if it is a boy or girl!

But now I need to go take a nap because trying to get a 4-year-old to stay quiet is exhausting!

Leprechaun Day

A sneaky little Leprechaun visited our house this morning and left some surprises behind. The boys started the morning off with Green pancakes, Green eggs, Green milk, and "golden" banana coin slices. Beckam wasn't too sure what to do with the green eggs but they both pounded the milk all day because well... it was GREEN! They then headed off to a Green bubble bath because that silly little leprechaun "ran through the tub and made the water turn green."

The boys had a ball and were so excited about this days celebration that we decided to take Jared a green leprechaun snack. We arrived at the office with a green apple, green yogurt, green sobe drink and green junior mints.

The boys played outside all day long. It is finally so beautiful out doors and the boys have taken full advantage of the weather. They no longer play guns, football, lacrosse, light-savers, good guy/bad guy, baseball, and army inside.... they just haul it all outside.

After playing we were surprised with green frosted cupcakes from Jared.

Beckam preferred to lick the frosting and poke the cake...

Whereas Cade just inhaled the whole thing.

All in all we had a great St. Pattys day full of green surprises.

I have realized how much fun celebrating all the holidays can be with little ones around and I look forward to many more years of green pancakes and Leprechaun hunts.

Happy St Patrick's day!

Sugar Rush

Although Valentines day passed over a week a go I am pretty sure my boys are just now coming off of their sugar high. The Valentine celebrations began with making sugar cookies.... lots of them. Cade decided that he wanted to take pink, frosted sugar cookies to hand out as his valentines this year. I was really excited about it because it has been forever since I have made sugar cookies... chocolate chip I could make with my eyes closed but sugar cookies... that is a whole different world. The first batch I made was a bust so I tossed them out and pulled out my guaranteed sugar cookie recipe... my moms.

Cade was so excited to see them all frosted and with the kids names on them. He went to town with the "sprinklers" as he calls them and proudly took them to school.

Once he made it home from school and tore through his valentines and Becakm tore up Cades valentine bag, Cade excitedly went to town decorating his own cookie.

He had so much fun and caked the frosting on... thus the beginning of the never ending sugar high.

Beckam loved his cookie too and would not let go of it until every last crumb, of his and Cades, was gone.

We had fun family valentine activities all weekend. I made strawberry banana french toast and eggs for breakfast, we made valentines for each other, we all snuggled in bed, the boys got me cards, Jared took me out of a fantastic dinner, we had a fantastic time and enjoyed LOTS of candy and valentine treats.

And of course the valentine bakugans joined us where ever we went.

I am pretty sure that neither of the boys know exactly how they work or what they really do but both of them can be found with at least one of them in their possession at any given time.

We had a great Valentine holiday and I am thankful that I got to spend it with the 3 most important men in my life, even if it did include lots and lots of sugar.

I love you guys.

Now I am off to think about Easter baskets...

is there ever a holiday that doesn't require way too many treats...

I guess it wouldn't be a holiday if it didn't... right?

As much as I like seeing my dad...

I kind of almost like seeing this smiling face more... and I think my dad would agree :)

I have been at a bit of a disconnect with my life these days.

I have not touched my camera.

Have not even thought about my blog.

And the gym... just makes me tired to think about it.

Honestly I have spent most of my time cuddled up with these two, which has been nice.

Beckam is my little singer. He is always humming, singing, or playing with the toy guitar or drums. He loves music. It makes me smile to see him because most of the time his lips are in an "o" {see above} with some type of melody coming out.

I was outside playing with the boys yesterday and had a flash back as I watched Beckam run around protecting his granola bar with his life. I realized that it was not that long ago that he was crawling around like a mad man and holding on to his apple with dear life. {above}

That flash back made me realize that he has gotten so big and I didn't even know it.

Can you believe that he has gotten so big?

He is not a baby any more.

Honestly, where does the time go?

He might not be as little anymore. And he might not be as blonde as he once was. But he is still as sweet and sassy as ever. And boy does he love to eat!

So it is time to jump back in. Time to get back in to the swing of life. And most of all time to realize my babies wont be babies for too much longer....

so maybe we should just stay all cuddled up.