The Tender Mercies of the Lord

On Saturday Beckam had his first CAT scan and was such a trooper. I was so nervous going into the appointment as visions of tears and fear ran though my head however Beckam quickly calmed my fears as he did not make a peep the whole time. He spent the 15 minutes in the machine with his binki in his mouth and looking around at all the different lights. I was so proud of him and was relieved to have a good beginning to what I think will be a long journey.
The CT results came back on Monday but I had to wait and wait and wait until Tuesday to actually talk to the doctor and have my fears confirmed. Beckam has been diagnosed with craniosynostosis.

Craniosynostosis is a term that refers to the early closing of one or more of the sutures of an infant's head. The skull is normally composed of bones which are separated by sutures. As an infant's brain grows, open sutures allow the skull to expand and develop a relatively normal head shape. If one or more of the sutures has closed early, it causes the skull to expand in the direction of the open sutures.

In sagittal synostosis, the sagittal suture is closed. As a result, the infant's head does not expand in width but grows long and narrow to accommodate the growing brain. The sagittal suture is the most common single suture involved in craniosynostosis. The incidence of sagittal synostosis in the population is approximately 1 in 4200 births. Males are affected about three times as often as females.

I had accepted the fact that this was the case, had a good cry about it and then moved on feeling like I could handle it. However, once that call came in a new dose of reality washed over me and I felt sick, mad, overwhelmed, and most of all sad for my little baby.

The pediatrician told me that he wanted Beckam seen by a neurosurgeon by the end of the day or the next morning so I spent the day trying to track down the doctor I was to see and only ending up with disappointing and overwhelming results. I had been scheduled for a month out and was told that was my only option. As the fear that my little one could possibly be in pain clawed at the back of my mind I had to allow myself to allow the Lord to comfort my emotional pain and accept the fact that all I could do was hurry up and wait.
By the time morning came I had found peace in waiting and decided to just enjoy my Beckam for the next month. However, I soon got another dose of reality when the neurosurgeons office called and said that the doctor had an opening and wanted to see us right away. I had once again, naively, thought that I had moved past the emotion but was quickly put back into reality as another warm stream of tears came. After the tears dried and a lengthy prayer was said I was able to pull myself together and once again place my faith in the Lords hands.

I was nervous but calm walking into the neurosurgeons office and relieved to finally get some solid answers. I was pleasantly surprised with how friendly he and all of his staff were. I spent almost an hour talking out all of our options with him and finding great comfort in his knowledge, confidence, and willingness to explain all of the inns and outs of the procedure. I found out that Beckam is not in any pain at the moment nor does he expect him to experience much pain afterwards. Becks will have to have surgery in which the doctor will open up his skull and remove some bone therefore allowing his brain and head to grow in the proper fashion. He will experience blood loss and as a result have to stay in the hospital for about 3 days. The doctor wants to wait until he is 4 months old to do the surgery so we are planning on October being yet another leg to this journey.

As I have walked this journey I have had many ups, downs, and in betweens. I have had moments when I have asked "why my baby" but also on the other hand also have had moments when I have exclaimed, "we are so lucky this is not worse!" It has been my constant prayer that we would find the right doctor, the one that could help him have the opportunity to accomplish his mission here on this Earth and I know that the Lord has lead us to the right man. How blessed we are to have modern technology and how amazing the human body is to be able to repair itself with a little bit of assistance. How thankful I am for the tender mercies of the Lord. For his never ending peace and comfort. For his constant guidance in even the seemingly unimportant things in life. I am sure that there will be more tears in the future but for the moment I feel His arms wrapped tightly around me, my little Beckam, and my family and know that it will all be okay.

On a lighter note, Cade started preschool this week and has loved it! I struggled with knowing if I should put him in school or wait another year so he doesn't have to go to preschool for 3 years but he was so ready that neither of us could wait any longer. He insisted on taking the stick to school and I insisted that he leave in in the car, compromise, gotta love it! I cannot believe that my babies are growing up so fast! It is amazing how quickly time flies by but how lucky I am to have these 2 little boys to brighten those crazy, fly by days.