Imprinted on my Heart

{yes, this is a VERY old picture... but it works}

My heart was imprinted tonight with a memory, an understanding, an insight that will be there throughout the eternities.

I had the honor and opportunity to watch and listen to my sweet husband give our little man a blessing before his first day of school. I was always fortunate enough to receive a fathers blessing before the beginning of a new school year, when confronting a problem, or just when I needed a little extra guidance and direction.

In a Priesthood blessing a servant of the Lord exercises the Priesthood, as moved upon by the Holy Ghost, to call upon the powers of heaven for the benefit of the person being blessed. In a blessing a worthy priesthood holder speaks the words of God, he gives the direction of God, he explains the love of God, he pronounces the blessings of God.

Although I have been a recipient of many of theses blessings, none have left the print on my heart as the one I witnessed tonight. My heart was filled with an overwhelming amount of love as I listened to the sweet and simple counsel given to my son. "Teach the other kids about Jesus by the way that you share." "Be a good friend to all those in your class, even if they look different than you." "You will continue to learn how to become a missionary as you are a good listener, good helper, and good friend."

As the blessing came to an end I watched as Cade looked up at Jared and threw his arms around him. My heart burst and the memory sunk deep into my heart and soul as I watched Jareds silent tears and heard him say, "you are my best buddy. You will always be my best buddy. I am so proud of you." I knew that in a few short years that scene would once again play out in front of my eyes. However, it will not be as a 4-year-old boy leaves to preschool, it will be as a 19-year-old preparing man leaves on his mission. A mission to share the good news of Christ. A mission that will change him from a boy to a man. A mission that will break my heart to send him on but also make me burst with joy. A mission that will share the truth.

As I watched a father and son embrace I was once again reminded of so many levels of love. The love I have for my child. The love my child has for his daddy. The love our Father in Heaven has for each of us.

Although life gets rough, children get exhausting, finances gets overwhelming, time gets shorter and lists get longer there is nothing.... NOTHING greater than knowing that God exists, He knows us, He is watching over us and mostly, He loves us. He loves us. He loves us. What an overwhelming, humbling, and empowering knowledge. To know that no matter how good, how bad, how ugly, in the end what really matters is that God loves us and that He will Always be there... waiting to embrace us. Waiting to say, "You are my buddy. You will always be my buddy. I am so proud of you."

It Seems like Yesterday

It seems like yesterday that Jared and I found out that surprisingly our little family would go from 2 to 3.

It seems like yesterday I was watching my belly bounce up and down as he would roll around and kick.

It seems like yesterday that I was on the phone with Jared telling him that the baby was on his way.

It seems like yesterday that I held him in my arms and knew that his name was going to be Cade... even though I didn't want to admit that Jared had won his choice.

It seems like yesterday that I was scared to death to bring him home from the hospital because I had no idea what to do next.

It seems like yesterday that I gazed into his eyes and sang, "I am a child of God" over and over.

It seems like yesterday that Jared and I spent hours just looking at him. In complete awe that he was ours.

It seems like yesterday that I could wrap him up snugly and just rock him.

However, in reality... it was just yesterday that he turned 4.

Where does the time go?

I love you my sweet Cade. You have changed my life forever.

Thank you.

xoxo

So, I started off tonight thinking I was the coolest mom ever...

Friday night and we decide to spend some quality time with the kiddos. Star Wars: Clone Wars is playing in the outdoor theater and so we assume the boys, or Cade, would be enraptured with the light savers, droids, shooting, and action.

We show up with our favorite blankets, yummy ice cream with all the toppings and all the excitement you can muster out of a 3-year-old... that is A LOT for mine. We grab the last open spot in the back and settle in.

10 minutes into our experience I start to panic and think that the movie is actually Mary Poppins. I figure I would give it a few minutes and see if Cade catches on. Just as that thought finishes he looks at me and, loudly, says, "HEY, this ISNT star wars!" I tell him that I knew that and that I think that I might have made a mistake.

15 minutes into the experience... Phew! Just a VERY LONG preview. Cade smiles, "You DIDNT make a mistake mom!! I am so proud of you!" Movie starts.

1 minute into the movie. Cade is humming, loudly, the Star Wars theme music and cheering with all the other boys in the crowd, "Star Wars is SOOOO cool!"

3 minutes into the movie. Ice cream gone.

5 minutes into the movie. Off to get some popcorn.

6 minutes into the movie. Popcorn spilled.

10 minutes into the movie. More popcorn.... gone.

20 minutes into the movie. Cade thinks that he is a Jedi knight. He is swinging his pretend light saver. Making gun noises, why can boys always make those noises!? and totally into the movie. I really am the coolest.

23 minutes into the movie. Beckam is screaming that he cannot push some ladies stroller around. Okay, its all good. We are outside. We don't have to be quiet the WHOLE time.

Getting irritated looks.

27 minutes into the movie. Jared takes Beckam for a walk.

28 minutes into the movie. Cade cries that he did not get to go with Jared. What was I thinking!!

35 minutes into the movie. All is settled. Cade is once again interested in the movie.

38 minutes into the movie. Cade is bored. I see families starting to pack up and leave. They are the smart ones!

40 minutes into the movie. Cade finds a friend. sweet little girl. they play. they laugh. they entertain each other. Okay, maybe this was an okay idea.

43 minutes into the movie. Another friend finds Cade. nice little boy. they both think they are jedis. they pretend to have light savers. they are not very good at not "accidently" hitting each other.

44 minutes into the movie. They are on the ground wrestling. Seriously, what is it with boys and wrestling!

45 minutes into the movie. he is really going to hurt that boy! Cade is back on the blanket with us.

47 minutes into the movie. They are all playing tag. We ask Cade to be a little bit more quiet. Jared looks at me and asks why our child is SO loud. Hmmmm, have you met his dad?

50 minutes into the movie. We remind Cade to be quiet, for the 10th time.

52 minutes into the movie. Beckam is eating all the popcorn that people have spilled on the ground. Gross!

55 minutes into the movie. Boys are on the ground brawling again.

56 minutes into the movie. Cade is back on the blanket. Has he even watched any of this movie!?

60 minutes into the movie. Tag... again. Cades first friend is now playing with Beckam. she is so sweet. this is such a long movie!

65-80 minutes into the movie. Brawling. blanket. brawling. blanket. brawling. blanket.

83 minutes into the movie. Cade is back on the blanket. somehow his attention was pulled back into the movie. Beckam is trying so hard to go to sleep. Just let this movie end already. do they really expect kids to get this movie!?

90 minutes into the movie. We are all excitedly humming the theme song to Star Wars. Cade says, "that was the best movie ever!"

In the end, was I the coolest mom ever? maybe. maybe not.

Could I have gotten away with turing on a cartoon for 30 minutes and sending them to bed? probably.

Would I be able to laugh at our experience of "going to a movie" if we didn't go. nope.

Was it worth it? maybe.

Will we do it again next week? probably.

Moms really do a lot to be cool for a 3-year-old.

Cade Originals

-Cade decided that he was supposed to be in charge of Beckam. He informed me of this decision and then says, "but here is the plan mom. When he is crying I am NOT in charge but when he is not crying I AM in charge. Okay? That is the plan."

-We were at the store and I got Cade some pool toys and a swimming suit. After our shopping trip Cade looks at me and says, "mom, I am REALLY having fun with you!" Note to self: if you want Cade to have fun you must buy him things.

-Cade loves to wear his life jacket in the pool. I tried to get him to take it off and practice swimming with me the other day. He looked at me and said, "no mom, if I take it off and go in the water I will drain."

-We were in the doctors office waiting for the doctor. Cade pulled up the doctors rolling stool and says, "hello, I am the doctor and I am going to measure Beckam today." I smile and say, "okay doctor." Cade pretends to hold up a measuring tape to Beckam and then says, "yep, just about right. He is 6 feet strong."

- Cade was coloring while I was trying to get Beckam ready for the day. Beck was being particularly wiggly while I was trying to comb his hair and I said, "wow, Beckam, you are making this really hard." Cade quickly turns from his coloring and says, "its okay mom, we can switch spots. I will comb Beckams hair and you can color. Just stay in the lines, okay?"

-Jared headed out the door to work one morning and Cade took off after him, wearing just his underwear, and says, "hey dad, when you come home will you bring Harry, Ben, and Chandler (his cousins) with you?" Jared says, "sure bud, and how about I come home at 4 so we can play too." Cade gets a huge smile on his face and says, "how about 6 dad!?" Jared laughs and says, "sure I will be home by 6." To which Cade jumps up and down and says, "YES! You are the best dad!"

-Cade cracks me up because when he gets excited or is happy about something he will say, "yes!" and sounds just like Napoleon Dynamite. It is hilarious!

-We were at Costco and I was standing in line waiting to get the boys a churro. Cade and Beckam were a few feet from me in the basket. I soon hear Cade yell at the top of his lungs, "Mom, you rock!" while giving me thumbs up.

-He has been in swimming lessons. One afternoon before we left he grabbed his goggles and put them on. He likes them SUPER tight, with his eyes bugging out and his ears smooshed. He runs into the bathroom and stands with his hands on his hips, his head held high, and his shoulders back and says, "Hey, I look cool like Michael Phelps!"

-We were saying family prayers and I said, "we are thankful for Cade and all the joy he brings." I soon hear Cade loudly whispering, "mom.... mom.... moooommm... I am not a droid! Mom.... I am NOT a droid" I bust up laughing and quickly end the prayer. Cade then quickly jumps up, looks at me with a side ways smile, points his finger at me and says, "you are so silly mom, you thought I was a star wars droid!" I told him I said Joy not Droid and he says, "no, you called me a droid, silly!"

Q&A... but mostly Q's

Growing up mom always had all the answers...

-What are we having for dinner.... spaghetti.

-Where is my white shirt.... in the laundry.

-Do I really have to go to school today... absolutely.

-Why am I having such a bad day... check your attitude.

-What can we do this weekend... babysit.

-I need a job.... check out Cracker Barrel... (yes, I did get a job there. Ugh!)

-How do I do this math problem... go ask dad.

-I really don't want to study.... lets make a game out of it. (One of the most hilarious and fun studying experiences ever)

All of the questions, dilemmas, quandaries, and difficulties of youth she always had an answer or solution for. I guess I kind of figured that it came with the territory however, now as a mom I often find myself with only having an "I don't know" answer.

-Last time I checked I lived in the desert, so why is it SO humid... I have no idea.

-What is for dinner... Dinner? I have to make dinner again... wasn't last night enough?

-Mom, where are my shoes.... I don't know, where did you take them off?

-Where in the world is Beckams binki... No clue.

-How do all of these couples take vacations together? How do they find the money, time, and babysitters to go.... tried to figure that one our many times and still... I DON'T know!

-Why do you take your kids out to a "fun" breakfast at IHOP only to hear them cry about not being able to go to Mcdonalds... seriously, no idea! (yes, that DID happen this morning)

-How is it that your kids can drive you crazy and make you laugh all at the same time... not sure, but good thing for them... and me.

-How do you fit a growing family in a 2 bedroom condo... hmmm, tricky, but supposedly others have done it.

-How exactly do you entertain little boys in 110 degree weather.... running out of ideas... and money!

-Why is it that I only end up in pictures without makeup on... once again, don't know.

So, in the end I guess I have come to accept the fact that even as a mom I don't even come close to having all the answers. Apparently mom mom didn't either, but she sure faked it well. I guess that is the beauty of kids being young... they don't know that you are clueless.

What are you clueless about... hopefully I am not the only one!

And any answers are welcome too...

Happy "B"elated Birthday

I had great plans of having a fantastic shoot of this little guy eating cake.  I have thought about and planned it for over a year now.  However, although I made preparations things did not pan out as planned.  I had wanted to wait to post his "12 month" milestones until I had the pictures but at this rate... he will be 15 before I get it done.  So, will I admit that second kids totally get gypped... absolutely!

Beckam is such a little love.  He is the tender child that I have been waiting for.  He brings so much peace and contentment to our home.  Beckam has been good to soften Cade up and Cade has been good to strengthen Beckam. 

So here it is Beck-

12 Months

-You love to flirt.  You will talk, squeal, smile, and do whatever it takes to get people to notice and fall in love with you.

-You love to pull things out of drawers and cupboards.  You also love to push the button on the water cooler and watch it ALL come spilling out.  Thank heavens for child proof locks!

-You finally started crawling the right way... a few days before your birthday.

-You love to sleep... still.  However, you have to have your blanket to give up easily or else you fight it to the bitter end.

-You hate being in your car seat for an extended period of time.

-You are finally starting to eat better.  You went through a phase when you would only eat oatmeal, yogurt, and fruit.  You have now expanded your palate... thank heavens!

-You have a piercing, ear shattering, stop the world scream.  You sound like a 12-year-old girl.  But hey, when you have an almost 4-year-old brother you have to have something to keep you alive!

- Your giggle is contagious.

-You love to snuggle.  You will snuggle with anyone and everyone that is willing.  

-At church you love to sprawl out in the middle of the hall and just lay there and jabber.  

- You absolutely love the water and honestly think that you can swim.  It is a little scary how willing you are to crawl to the edge, turn around, and plop yourself in.  If you could spend the whole day in the pool you would.

-You always head for the stairs.  You love to go up and down and are really good about turning around and doing it the right way.

-You love to give kisses.  You will plant one right on our mouth (usually with yours open and slobbery) and then you will say "kisses" in a high voice.

-You always have comments on your hair... it seems to be your trade mark.  Whenever you see the spray bottle coming your way, to have your hair combed, you hold your breath and cover your face, even if it isn't your turn to have your hair done.

-You love your brother.  He can always make you happy and you love to follow him around.

-You are starting to get some more teeth which equals misery for you.

-You will pull yourself to standing on everything.  You have taken a few steps in the pool and like to hold onto strollers to try to walk but you will not stand on your own.

-You love anything that you can feed to yourself.  Watermelon is one of your favorites, however you usually opt to eat the rind first.

-You are starting to show a little sassy streak.  It is kind of sad but kind of funny at the same time.  You are definitely finding your own independence.

-At the doctor you 

measured 31 inches

weighed 23.2 pounds

measured 47 cm head circumference

-You love to try and drink the water at the sprinkler park.  You will sit in the middle where all the water runs to and try to lick it off the ground.  Gross!

-You are a sensitive soul and can have your feelings hurt easily.  However, you can quickly turn the tears into laughter and hugs.

-You can turn anyones bad, grumpy mood around by a simple hug, especially your daddy.

-Your favorite toy are our cell phones.  You love to eat them, slobber on them, and yell into them.

-You wear size 18-24 months.

-You have buns of steal and big fat bear paws for feet.

-You will always grab for peoples noses first.  

-You race to the door when daddy gets home from work.  If he does not hug you first your feelings get hurt until he picks you up for hugs. 

-You are so ticklish....every where.

We love you our little Beckam and are SO thankful to have you in our family.  You have made us so happy and we are so proud of you.  Happy Birthday little guy!

These 3 made my parents Grandparents

and they couldn't be happier.  My little sister had her cute baby 7 weeks ago and confirmed the fact that we all already knew... my mom and dad would be the best grandparents ever.  My dad was in Utah when we went to visit and he took Cade and Beckam out for "junior alpha kid day" and I am not sure who had more fun, the boys or him.  Cade could not get enough of him.  They ate doughnuts together, they fixed the sprinkler together, they told stories together, they went to home depot together, they ate crown burger together.  I never had to wonder where Cade was.  

And as you can also see... we only do boys... go figure!  My mom and dad had to wait for their last 2 kids to have boys but now have been bombarded by testosterone!

Speaking of grandparents... 

I also got to spend time with My grandparents.  I honestly lived a charmed childhood complete with amazing grandparents.  I spent many memorable moments with my grandma and grandpa and still look forward to the time that I get to see them.  They are so wonderful and such good examples to me.  I love you two!