My dearest Indy.
You took me to a place I have never been before.
A place I never thought I wanted to go.
A place I never thought I could handle.
But a place that I am so thankful to have experienced.
Here is your story sweet girl.
I woke up at 5 am the morning of August 15 to contractions. I got in the shower, timed contractions and got myself mentally prepared to have a baby. I woke up Jared and my mom and we scrambled to get everyone taken care of so we could head to the hospital. Soon everyone was set and it was go time but as soon as we got in the car the contractions stopped. It, honestly, made me giggle because that is exactly what happened with Capri but had I progressed to a 5 when I made it to the hospital with her. This time I was rather shocked and felt a little silly to find that I was only at a 3. The cute nurses let me walk for an hour and encouraged me as they saw me wander the halls but much to my dismay, nothing.
I headed home disappointed.
The next morning I was once again ripped from my sleep at 5 am to even stronger contractions. I got up and busied myself cleaning out a closet and breathing through contractions. Finally once they were 5 minutes apart I woke up Jared. We once again headed to the hospital but as soon as got there, nothing, not one contraction. We debated, once we got to the hospital doors, if we should even go in but ultimately decided to go in and be checked since he was working so far away and we knew it would go quickly.
We entered labor and delivery to some VERY unkind faces. I gave them a little overview of what had been happening to which the nurse rolled her eyes and sent me to triage. I was once again checked and I was still at a 3.
I was crushed.
I felt so dumb.
So exhausted.
So confused.
What was going on!?
I went home vowing never to return.
As soon as I got back in the car they started again.
For the remainder of the day I wrote down every contraction so that the nurses could indeed see that I was not making it up. I contracted all day long and they increasingly got more and more uncomfortable. By 5 all I could do was breath. Capri would stand by me and rub my leg. I wanted to wait until at least 7 pm because I knew that was when shift change was but once we reached 6 pm my mom looked at me, laying on the ground in a ball, and asked, "Have you had enough?"
I could only nod.
I called Jared to let him know I was leaving and he told me that he was in the driveway and coming in to get me.
As we once again walked into Labor and Delivery a nurse saw me and smiled, "I knew you would be back today," she said.
They told me that they were so busy that I would have to go back to the waiting room while they found a spot for me. All I could do was giggle at this roller coaster and pray that they would not send me home again.
After about 15 minutes {and multiple strong contractions} a nurse called me back to triage and was super surprised to find that I was dilated to an 8.
I smiled and told her that she was my favorite person to which she responded with a, "I am not going to be your favorite person much longer."
I knew exactly what she was going to say.
Exactly what I did not want to hear.
Exactly what I had been afraid of.
Exactly why I had been in 2 other times already.
So I did not even ask.
Jared did.
The anastesiologist was in an emergency C-scection.
I would not be getting an epidural.
That was the moment that I retreated inside.
I had to focus.
To forget about everything that was happening around me while not allowing myself to focus on what what happening on the inside of me.
Breath.
In. Out.
My mom stepped in and taught me what to do.
Try to relax.
Don't clinch.
Breath shallow through contractions and breath it all out when it is over.
She rubbed my back which saved me.
Jared sat by my side.
He was quiet.
He protected me from the nasty nurse that I had that told me that I wasn't allowed to think that my pain level was a 10 {despite being dilated to a 10},
He started to make calls to track down any anastesiologist possible.
He was told the same thing, the only one available was in a C-section but was given his number.
I still do not know all the details but somehow Jared worked it out.
After several hours of intense labor and reaching a 10 for a good amount of time, the only nice face we saw all night showed up.
He was wonderful.
Not only did he give me medication but his presence was uplifting and enlightening to us all.
Such a tender mercy because our roller coaster was still not over.
I could now smile.
I could breath.
And then with 2 swift kicks my water broke and the baby crowned immediately.
Nurse said I was not allowed to push because the doctor was on the other side of town and she "could, but would NOT deliver a baby."
We spent the next hour waiting.
Jared nervous for the baby.
Mom irritated with the bipolar nurse.
Me doing everything possible to keep the baby in.
Not an easy or comfortable task.
Finally doctor showed up at 10:40 pm and was visibly exhausted and also irritated with nurse for not allowing me to push.
With 2 pushes our little Indy was born at 10:50 pm.
She was one of the goopiest babies I have ever seen and had the sweetest, softest little cry.
As soon as I caught a little glimpse of her I knew her name was Indy {A name that was not even on our list going into the hospital}.
As soon as I held her all I could do was close my eyes and hold her close.
Breath her in.
Soak her in.
Allow all those feelings, experiences, and emotions to imprint on my heart.
Indy Reese Nielson
August 16, 2012
7 lbs 6 oz
19 inches
Jared got to put her first diaper on her and get her all ready to come snuggle with me.
He was beyond excited to hold her and have her in his arms.
He is such a good daddy.
The time came to decide on a name.
I knew what I thought but since it wasn't even really an option going in I did not really want to say anything. Nobody was speaking up, just looking around as if they knew something I did not.
Finally I said, "okay, I know this is crazy but I think her name is Indy."
Everyone started to laugh and completely agree.
Nobody had a reason why other than this little lady just came with her name.
My dear little Indy,
Oh how I love you. You are my special little surprise. You taught me more before I even held you in my arms than I could have ever imagined. You pushed me to do something I never thought I could do but am so thankful that I did. You are a special little girl with some special things to do. I cannot wait to see where your journey takes you.
Never forget your mommy loves you and that you are stronger than you think.
I love you.
Mom
Pictures courtesy of Sarah Goodsell
{thank you friend}
